No, not THAT kind of adult!
Lately, with two kids and job stuff and life stuff, I have been feeling more ADULT. And by adult I don't mean RESPONSIBLE or NEAT (ha!) or even SERIOUS but I have been feeling like maybe I should start having some things that other adults that I have generally looked up to seemed to have - clean floors, non wrinkly clothes, shiny teeth...
I tried for a while to achieve these ideals and then I realized that REAL adults (ehem) have expert tools that they have been using for years to meet these (entirely imaginary) standards. Here is a list of my favorite "discoveries" (this post has entirely too many ALL CAPS and (parentheses) and "quotation marks" already...)
Say it really fast 10 times. Mop is a funny word. Mop mop mop. Did you know that the German word for Pug is Mops? Did you know that the plural of Mops is Möpse? Did you know that this is slang for boobies? Did you know that Germans (even young ADULTS) have mops? NO not the pug kind. Also not the boobies kind. The CLEANING YOUR FLOOR kind. Seriously have you ever used a mop? Like a real one with those cabbage patch doll hair like ropes and a bucket that wrings it out? AMAZING! Especially after years (YEARS!) of trying to scrub away crusted on baby cereal with a swiffer wet. Mops clean your floors. They do it really well. That's why they've been around for years! Want to be a clean-floors-adult? (that's a thing). BUY A MOP! (we have this one)
I am not an ironing gal. I specifically buy clothing so that I won't have to iron it. Tshirts and nothing button down, etc etc. But the laziness that accompanies no ironing is the same laziness that compels me to leave my freshly washed clothes in the dryer for days. So I definitely could use some wrinkle removing help. But hauling out the ironing board and plugging in the iron for one T-shirt? Laziness wins. I had been meaning to buy a steamer for some time but the ironing obsessed Germans scared me away - the amazon reviews warned me that the wrinkle removing power would be nearly zero. But when I spotted a steamer in the discount bin of our local supermarket (another German thing...) for 10 euros... it had to be mine. And you guys? TOTAL WRINKLE BANISHING POWER. I don't know what kind of standards those Germans have (actually I do. They iron their dishtowels. And their bedsheets) but for me it was like magic. Using a steamer is like one of those infomercials where they mesmerizingly blast away the grime off of a ten year old grill grate. Amazing. Wrinkles GONE. I promptly steamed everything in my house and fantasized about living a life where I look put together. And then I remembered that I had baby cereal encrusted onto my pant leg (See above)
3. Electric toothbrush
I can brush my teeth. I have been doing it for YEARS. But apparently I have been doing it for a far too short period of time. My new electric toothbrush does this vibrating thing that tells me to switch mouth quadrants, and then three times vibrating for when 2 minutes are up. Longest 2 minutes EVER but seriously? My teeth are SHINY AND MAGNIFICENT
That's it folks! What are your adult tricks?!